I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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