good thing vaginas are great cup holders
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
