...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
