Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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