i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She announced her abortion via fbk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
