fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
