I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
