its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
not ubering you a puppy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
wow bdsm is so cute
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
