She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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