ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
