After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
