Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
