I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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