i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
