to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
