Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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