dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
