so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
