He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
