I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
