My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
