i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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