she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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