I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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