So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
