all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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