I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Randomize
