I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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