Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
