i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mom said you looked used
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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