Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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