Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
