Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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