I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
