I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
