How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
