You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
