you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
