did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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