Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
