Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
