even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Even my vagina gasped.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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