My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
