ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
