and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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