I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just crazy horny about you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
