Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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