yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is wine microwaveable?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
