trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
