Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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